Dangerous and sexy

男人不坏女人不爱.

Not something new.

The other day, I was discussing with a friend about the content of our local chinese dramas, and she commented on how we don't have any dramas centred on young people and their school life. Apparently, "Devil Beside You" was one of Taiwan's most popular dramas last year and that is exactly what it was centred on. Okay, not quite a chinese version of "Moulmein High" but the usual BGR, which even though has a storyline that a thousand other dramas, comics and storybooks have, still remains a show that keeps me hooked.

So anyway, we came up with two reasons:

1. There is no young actor/actress capable of being the lead in a show like that.
2. There is no perceived market for such dramas.

I remember reading a 20-part comic "爱与诚" (names of the two lead characters) long long time ago and the story was also about how the female protagonist was initially at odds with the bad boy of the school, getting into a lot of trouble because of him and with him, but end up falling in love still. Then there was another 2 part comic that I read, "狼的诱惑" where the story was also centred around how this girl had two guys going after her, one would be the typical model student, loved by teachers and fellow school mates, and the other the trouble-maker, terror of the school, who turned out to be her younger brother.

In these comics, the bad boy always happen to look quite cute, so I guess it does up the "dangerous and sexy" factor. Unfortunately, I don't remember having seen any cute ah bengs when I was in school. And since our legal age limit to get a driving or motorbike license is 18 years old, you won't find those cocky but suave motorbike entrances simulated from such shows.

Honestly, I can't think of any young local actor who might be able to pull off being a dangerous and sexy bad boy, and I'm not talking about being ah beng. It is about being the leader of the pack. That confident but arrogant, nonchalent but cool, sly but cheeky, irritable but compassionate, mastermind behind petty fights and the worst school offences. The kind of thug everyone loves and hates.

Now I think Won Bin can pull off something like that. Maybe Roy Chiu but he doesn't quite have the stature. Quite a couple of Taiwanese actors I've watched but don't know their names can fit the bill, but none from our local stable of male species. Maybe that's why if you ask me whether or not 男人不坏女人不爱 applies to me, I'm not sure. Because I think it's not just about being 坏, but the fact that he is actually inherently a good man, with some desirable qualities. But, this often only comes bundled in an idol drama. Here, you usually don't get so lucky.

Still I guess it is quite sexy when the hooligan of the school, (who has the stature of Won Bin but Roy Chiu's face), actually terrorises you by grabbing your hair and saying, “我要的东西我一定会得到。” And you ask, "你要什么？" and he puts his face closer to you, looks into your eyes, and says, "我要你。"

*swoon*

Personal Space

Spent almost an entire day with a friend today. The bizarre thing is, we only knew each other this year, maybe about 3 months ago, on a school project, and we kinda hit it off right after that. Not even during. I guess that's the way friendship goes. Now, we just never seem to run out of things to say and I always look forward to meeting her. It is a very nice sisterly feeling that I never really had with anyone so far.

We talked about anything and everything and one of the things we discussed was getting our personal pad. She's a housing agent, so naturally she was familiar with the market. I've always wanted to have a place of my own since last year, but it never really materialised because of family obligations. Yet I am in constant struggle with the need of my own space and the emotional commitment to home. And not to mention the distance I have to travel to get to anywhere.

Now, as I embark on a desperate attempt to revamp my brother's room, so that I don't have to put up with the built-in kiddish furniture in my own, I wonder when will I be able to have a place of my own? The only reason why I am investing so much time and effort in colour coordinating and beautifying my soon-to-be room is because at the end of the day, it is my haven away from everyone else.

Sometimes I just want to be left alone. I don't feel like talking to anyone at home, nor hear anything, because most of the time, there's nothing good to hear. After much standing, walking and talking during the day because of my job, the last thing I want to do is to come home to more talking and unpleasant revelations. Which is why I yearn for that solitude in a place of my own.

The truth is, I know my absence will remind my family members not to take me for granted, and vice versa. While my intention of staying put is so that I can spend more time with my parents before their time is up, I start to wonder if I should focus more on quality rather than quantity. Because it seems that there is no point if you spend so much time together but get on one another's nerves, if you can spend less time but make the best out of it.

Then there's the problem with household chores. It seemed like they could manage on their own during the time I was living away from home, but has additional tasks (and complaints too) now because of my return. Sure, there are two ways I can alleviate their problem:

1. help out
2. move out

Aiya, just help out la, some would say. Sure, saying I don't have time will probably sound like an excuse, but to me, the biggest problem with helping out is the collision of different styles of management. All of us have a certain way of doing things which is intolerable to others, so sometimes, everyone's better off just maintaining the status quo. So there, looks like moving out is a better option.

Now finding the ideal home is not like shopping for a handphone. Depending on the type of property, there are hidden costs to look out for, excluding renovation and furnishing costs. So far the areas I'm looking at, either they're not for sale, or they've all been taken up. Renting is the other option but not being able to do up the place the way I want it makes it less inviting.

Sigh.

I guess the battle continues.

Over and over again?

Yesterday I read an interview by a local female celebrity who happened to like giving rather lyrical quotes. By that I meant quotes that make you go "Aww....that's so _____ (sweet/romantic/nice, you fill in your own)." One particular quote was one of those complete the sentence type of questions: At the age of 30, ...

"...to fall in love with the same person over and over again, get married and have children."

Something along those lines.

Wow. Is it really possible to fall in love with the same person over and over again?

Realistically speaking, it is almost impossible to recreate that initial heady feeling of having a crush after being with the same person for 3 years. As much as how some couples tell you they try to find new activities to do together to maintain the relationship or how the lack of time they have with one another is compensated by the quality of what they do when they meet, your familiarity with this person will most certainly reduce that heart-skipping-a-beat-when-you-see-him syndrome. It's a psychological thing I suppose. That's why they say at the beginning, everything is always rosy and pretty, because try as you want, you just can't seem to find anything wrong with that guy and he might not find anything amiss about you. I guess maybe at the beginning of courtship where both parties are crazy about one another, they are at their best, because either they're trying to win the other's heart, or they want to be won over. It is the post-courtship where the true test comes.

So if this celebrity is unable to fall in love with the same person over and over again, is that a physical limitation that applies to all human beings or simply because she hasn't found that person able to stimulate that kind of consistent interest?

My perception of love is slightly different I guess. There's no one uniform way to romantic love or happy marriage. It's like how all those female magazines have those street interviews where they ask "What's your idea of a perfect date?" My answer really differs depending on who I have in mind.

I'm not jaded or cynical, because it's not like I've been through countless failed romances. It's just that as I outgrow the puppy love phase, the adolescent relationship phase, I start to learn from the past and form new perceptions about love and relationships.

A friend used to tell me that his idea of a good relationship is when both parties can inspire and help one another be better. He is now happily attached, or rather, he has finally found someone he feels deep enough for, because he wants to inspire her as much as she motivates him.

I was very much enlightened, because it is true. Being with someone is not an act of possession. It is an emotional complement. The challenging bit is not so much how to stay in love with the person for a long time. It is how to remain supportive, motivating, inspiring, understanding, sensitive through the trials and tribulations a couple has to face.

So my answer:

At the age of 30, I want to be able to give the man I fell in love with a year ago, more than just all those mentioned above, but also a family he wants to come home to.

Passion

I was running my usual 6 km at the park connector at the back of my house today later than usual. In the past, I would never run after 7pm because by then the sky would have turned dark, and for some reason, I convinced myself not to. But of course, my experience in Cape Town has changed my perception of night and safety. And if I could venture alone at night in Cape Town, you can't go very wrong in Singapore. Besides, after I started running past 7pm that I begin to realise I'm not alone anyway, so can't be that bad.


Sorry, I digressed because the point of this entry is about a man I met today. The thing is people do recognise me, even though I was decked in a cap, with no make-up, so I've gotten used to people smiling at me. So naturally today, when this man, maybe about 1.65m tall, 50 plus, quite toned and fit, with a moustache, smiled at me, I smiled back, thinking perhaps he recognised me. When I was on my last 2 km, and we were running in opposite directions, he u-turned and started to pace me. I've never had anyone done that before, so I was a little surprised. But I must admit that it is useful to run with someone because you feel compelled to keep up and outrun the other, which forces you to push beyond your normal limit. That's why I always want to find a buddy, but sadly, the subject has always been gracefully skirted each time I bring it up to the "buddy" in question. Anyway, I was completely immersed in my music from the ipod nano (with many thanks to a real sweetheart!) to pay this man much attention. On the last km, he started talking to me, and telling me to follow his pace, relax and I was like...woah, since when have I gotten myself a coach? Or is this the new way to make friends?


Michael is an English speaking man born in 1952, who obviously didn't appear to have any knowledge of my public persona. He began sharing with me how I should do my workout and it is as follows:

1. 6km on Mon and Fri with the first 2 km at normal pace. From the third km, I should run normal pace for 200m and then open my strides for another 200m and then repeat it till I complete my 6km.

2. 100m-10x training on Tues. Run normal pace for 200m, then widen strides for 100m and then repeat till I've done 10 rounds of 100m.

3. 3km normal paced run on Wed.

4. Circuit training on Thurs. 20 step-ups, 5 duck hop, 10 sit-ups and 50m shuttle run. To gradually increase in frequency and intensity with time.

5. Saturday and Sunday do something else like swim or weights. Train parts other than the legs.

He began talking about running and taking part in marathons very passionately. Like how his first experience in a marathon, which he didn't really take it seriously, motivated him to improve his timing and trained hard for the subsequent years. He spoke about how he trained for one whole year, the regime, the diet and how he sought motivation from marathon videos just before the race. It was a harmless chat and till now, I still don't know why he picked me to "impart" all this knowledge.

I was very impressed but guilty at the same time, because his passion has made me think about my own, or rather the lack of it. I don't know what it's like to have so much interest in one thing, that one would read books, research, and plan in pursuit of it. It's like I know someone who is so interested in beauty products and eating healthy that she would read up on ingredients used to make the products, experiment to find the best combination of skincare and even take a degree to know more about food and nutrition. Whether she is trying to, as what some speculate, 1. appear intelligent, or 2. turn her knowledge into something lucrative, her motivation and discipline is admirable.

Like Michael's success formula for conquering the marathon(which he admitted to ripping from some reading material) 3D + 3S = Determination, Dedication, Discipline + Stamina, Speed, Strength

I suppose the 3D applies across many things in our lives.

For now, I have a bit of it in everything, which, until I find my passion, will never be good enough.

Starting Anew

I know I said I wouldn't blog anymore, but I feel compelled to write, because otherwise, I wouldn't have any other outlet to express myself, and practise writing. Especially now that I've graduated and haven't got essays to write.


Honestly, I don't mind people reading my blog, because the point of blogging online really is to share with the world what you think. BUT unfortunately, because of who I am, what I write becomes absolute and sometimes, opinions formed and misunderstandings occur, which contributes to nothing positive. Then why blog?


Moreover, I never thought there would be so many people reading my blog, but obviously, I have underestimated the blogosphere's "fan" base.


Now that I'm starting on a clean slate, there'll be more to come. Feeling terribly under the weather today, so I'm just going to keep this short and sweet.